Long time no write. I have been so blasted busy these last couple months and I have been so busy blogging on my beauty blog, I neglected this blog. I dont really know how many of you actually read this blog but i really need to write and this place was my first thought. I used to have journal but I can't seem to sit down and write anymore so it sits on my desk and collects dust. One of the major reason I have not blogged over here in a while is because of some personal problems I have been dealing with that won't seem to fade away.
At this point in time I am dealing with alot of conflicted feelings regarding two males. Yes, I say males. One of said males is/used to be a good friend. He moved here a while back and we really hit it off. We hung out, went to movies, went for coffee, we really had a time. Ofcourse, being me, I developed feelings for him but decided to keep them to myself in fear of ruining a perfectly good friendship. As time passed, I began to see traits in him that (to me) refelcted feelings of a romantic nature. I went through all the senerios in my head and came to the conclusion that he may have a little crush on me. That being siad, I am not the kind of person to think someone likes me unless I get a strong sense that they do. Anyways, I decided to let him in on my secret. Unfortunatly, due to the numerous times I have experienced heartache, I could not do it. Everytime I tried, nothing would come out. I even went through the whole 'I'll show him with my actions' phase, but that never seemed to go the way i wanted it to. I began to get quite irritable due to the fact that he would open up to me about other girls. It bothered me, obvously. I thought maybe he is talking about other girls because he really doesn't get my feelings. I never flirted, maybe he just thought I never felt that way. I decided to put this task into someone elses hands. So, I recruited my elder sister, we will call her Jenna. I waited and waited to hear from her and when I finally did, things didn't go the way I planned. He had basically told Jenna that he didn't understand why I would feel like he liked me and that he felt uncomfortable hanging around me now. He has not spoken to or texted me since. I think what bothers me most is, not the fact that he didn't like me back, but the fact that he would throw our friendship away like that. I mean, I liked him for a year and never made anything awkward. I don't really understand why things have to be awakward now, we are adults. I am deeply hurt.
On to the other fella...This dude has become the douche who comes back for more in my books. I met this guy about 3 years ago now through a friend. When I first met him I was not super attracted to him. He was a typical nerdy looking guy. Tall, thin, glasses. I think what attacted me was the fact that he wasn't typical and that he seemed to be interested in talking to me. Over the few years, I became more and more attracted but he never seemed to want to make a relationship of it. He would talk about other girls and sort of put me on the back burner. One day at a party, we danced together for the first time and then he proceeded to tell my sister Jenna that he liked me but he wanted me to make the first move. Jenna comes running to me and tells me this. She convinces me to let my walls down and tell him how I feel. The next day we text and I proceed to confess my feelings and reveal what he said to Jenna. He brushed the whole thing off as a drunken stooper and then tells me to 'go with the flow'. To this day, I still dont understand what he meant. Since then I have seemed to be in a rotation of girls and hear from him once every 2 months. My friends, family and co-workers have deemed him a jerk and can't stand his sight. But recently he contacted me wanting to hang out and I agreed. I have not made definate arrangements but we shall see. After telling everyone fearfully and getting alot of slack for saying yes, the romantic in me wants to know what he wants now and maybe he has changed.
Among these romance issues, I have been going through something emotionally and it is making life difficult. Even just hearing a slightly sad story, I tear up. I really wish I could explain these emotions but it is difficult. I have also had a hard time saying 'no' recently. As you can see from the story above, I had no problem saying 'yes' to the douche in my life. I also signed up for a gym membership, even when it was obvious I was being slightly scammed. Something is not right. On top of my emotional issues, I have been stressing about my finances. I am really trying to get out of this hole I am in. It's scarey. If I could give on piece of finacial advice to someone, I would say, don't get a credit card when you are a teenager and on top of that, don't get a SECOND credit card when your a teenager. You are asking for it. I am paying for it now, big time, I am in a mess now and my credit is tarnished big time. I know I will fix it one day but it's going to take work.
Anyways, thats my update. Thanks for reading.
Love Sarah
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Tuesday, October 22, 2013
Time to lose some weight :S
Hello Everyone,
Who enjoys working out, eating healthy and getting on the scale? I am sure some of you do, but me? Hell no! I hate the thought. The thought of exercising and changing my eating habits sounds about as fun to me as ripping my toe hairs out. Listen, I am plus-sized. I can range from and 18-20, 22 on my off times and I have come to accept it. I don't mind being a big girl. I have the confidence to pull it off, but for me, I come to a point where I just need to shed a few pounds to feel better. So, I have come to that glorious point and I am ready to face the dieting doom. Not going to lie, the thought makes me want to puke, but I need to do it to feel a bit better, and I know with the cold weather coming, i need to lose before I gain. Anyways, I am going to take y'all with me on my journey. I won't be sharing my current weight but I will be keeping you posted on how I am attempting to lose a dress size or two. So, stay tuned!
XOX Sarah
Who enjoys working out, eating healthy and getting on the scale? I am sure some of you do, but me? Hell no! I hate the thought. The thought of exercising and changing my eating habits sounds about as fun to me as ripping my toe hairs out. Listen, I am plus-sized. I can range from and 18-20, 22 on my off times and I have come to accept it. I don't mind being a big girl. I have the confidence to pull it off, but for me, I come to a point where I just need to shed a few pounds to feel better. So, I have come to that glorious point and I am ready to face the dieting doom. Not going to lie, the thought makes me want to puke, but I need to do it to feel a bit better, and I know with the cold weather coming, i need to lose before I gain. Anyways, I am going to take y'all with me on my journey. I won't be sharing my current weight but I will be keeping you posted on how I am attempting to lose a dress size or two. So, stay tuned!
XOX Sarah
Saturday, September 7, 2013
New Car & Getting Ready for my Getaway
Tomorrow is work day and then we have a whole four day of drinking and chilling. I am so excited but I have so much to do tomorrow after work to prepare for my getaway. I have got lots of bags to pack and some warm clothes to wash. The week looks promising weather wise but we shall see once we get up there. I need to pack my bathing suit and some nice warm sweaters for the cold nights that await. My friends cottage used to be a hotel back in the day and that part kind of creeps me out, not going to lie. I picture some creeping old hotel consumed by trees and wood. But nonetheless, we will have fun sitting are the fire with marshmallows and vodka coolers.
So, we finally put a down payment on a car today. The car is beautiful and I am so excited to drive it. We may have paid a bit more than we wanted because My mom and I went to close the deal and we are two women. But we don't have any men nearby who could help us negotiate a deal and we need a car desperately. We will have the car officially on Tuesday and ready to go. I can not relate how flipping excited I am!!!! I am just glad that I don't have to take the bus anymore!! I just want to get in my car and go home. Anyways, that's it for today.
Have good one guys!!!
Sarah
So, we finally put a down payment on a car today. The car is beautiful and I am so excited to drive it. We may have paid a bit more than we wanted because My mom and I went to close the deal and we are two women. But we don't have any men nearby who could help us negotiate a deal and we need a car desperately. We will have the car officially on Tuesday and ready to go. I can not relate how flipping excited I am!!!! I am just glad that I don't have to take the bus anymore!! I just want to get in my car and go home. Anyways, that's it for today.
Have good one guys!!!
Sarah
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Life Update & Mindless jibber jabber
Hello everyone,
Longtime, no write, I know but life has been utter ciaos let me tell you. I lost interest in the 'saving' and 'paying bills' aspect when my bills went under control. I am still working at it but things are consistent and working out for the better these days. Today, I am going to give you a little update on my life recently. Let me warn you, some things will shock you. Let me start....
Around April, my 70 year old father was admitted into a long term care facility due to dementia and other diseases. This was not easy for anyone. Prior to his admittence, he was getting into everything, falling down stairs, soiling clothes and his bed and such. My mother suffers from her own illnesses and disabilities and this made things extra difficult for myself and my sister. When he was admitted, I think we all went through a little guilt over the fact that people accused us of "shoving him in a home". Some people (including family members) thought it was a way of reliving ourselves of the responsibility. It's easy to feel like maybe deep down inside that is the reason. After talking to eachother and praying alot, we came to a conclusion. No one knows the circumstances of our life. Some family member even turn their back on the fact and pretend that we are the ones with the wrong ideas. Trying to explain our feelings to people is like trying to decribe the color green. Unless you see for yourself, nothing will make sense.
Now, prepare yourself for the story of the summer. Many of my friends already know about this story but here it is for those of you who may not know. The beginning of July, my sister, mom and myself decided to head to the beach. The beach we go to is about an hour from where we live. Now my car was never in the greatest shape but we never though things would go this bad. As I drove up the highway about 30 minutes from house, I see that my battery light is flickering. I make the executive decision that I am going to pull to the side for fear that my car will break down in the middle of the highway. So, s I check my rearview mirror to get over, I see billowing smoke coming from the back end of my car. as I put the car in park and turn of the engine, smoke beins to seep through my air vents. That was clear sign that we needed to get out. We all got out and as we walk away from the car, I notice flames sitting at the base of my car. For some reason my first reaction was the pop the hood and just as I was abut the run for it, my mom grabs my arm and says we need to run the other way. I listened and I am glad we did because at that moment the car consumed with flames. My heart sank! I had left my cell in the car and starting panicing because someone clearly needed to call the fire department. I started frantically waving people down and no one would stop! I mean no one! People are real jerks sometime. Like they see three frantic women and a car on fire and they wont stop. I have a word for people like that but lets keep it PG. Finally a lady stops, rolls down the window and tell us to get in. She starts reversing....and as we move away, my car is engolfed. I think at that moment, I wanted to cry but the tears werent coming. Partly because we could have been killed if we had waited a moment longer to get out of that car. And also because my car was in flames and I was helpless. That car was alot to us. It was the first reliable car my parents could ever afford, it had been my mode of work transport for 7 years and now it was gone. Alot happened that day, but this post would go on for days. First there was panic, then shock and then tears. I miss my old car and the bus life sucks, but i am glad we all made it out alive.
Also, we moved! After 23 years in our town house we moved. It was crazy leaving that old place! There were so many memories in that shack. I was not as upset leaving as I thought I would be but at one point I did have a nervous breakdown about how small my room was. But that was it.
Anyways guys, that's all for today. The last 6 months have been a journey but I always remeber this, life will get crazy but sometimes the crazier the life, the better the stories. ;)
Love,
Sarah
Longtime, no write, I know but life has been utter ciaos let me tell you. I lost interest in the 'saving' and 'paying bills' aspect when my bills went under control. I am still working at it but things are consistent and working out for the better these days. Today, I am going to give you a little update on my life recently. Let me warn you, some things will shock you. Let me start....
Around April, my 70 year old father was admitted into a long term care facility due to dementia and other diseases. This was not easy for anyone. Prior to his admittence, he was getting into everything, falling down stairs, soiling clothes and his bed and such. My mother suffers from her own illnesses and disabilities and this made things extra difficult for myself and my sister. When he was admitted, I think we all went through a little guilt over the fact that people accused us of "shoving him in a home". Some people (including family members) thought it was a way of reliving ourselves of the responsibility. It's easy to feel like maybe deep down inside that is the reason. After talking to eachother and praying alot, we came to a conclusion. No one knows the circumstances of our life. Some family member even turn their back on the fact and pretend that we are the ones with the wrong ideas. Trying to explain our feelings to people is like trying to decribe the color green. Unless you see for yourself, nothing will make sense.
Now, prepare yourself for the story of the summer. Many of my friends already know about this story but here it is for those of you who may not know. The beginning of July, my sister, mom and myself decided to head to the beach. The beach we go to is about an hour from where we live. Now my car was never in the greatest shape but we never though things would go this bad. As I drove up the highway about 30 minutes from house, I see that my battery light is flickering. I make the executive decision that I am going to pull to the side for fear that my car will break down in the middle of the highway. So, s I check my rearview mirror to get over, I see billowing smoke coming from the back end of my car. as I put the car in park and turn of the engine, smoke beins to seep through my air vents. That was clear sign that we needed to get out. We all got out and as we walk away from the car, I notice flames sitting at the base of my car. For some reason my first reaction was the pop the hood and just as I was abut the run for it, my mom grabs my arm and says we need to run the other way. I listened and I am glad we did because at that moment the car consumed with flames. My heart sank! I had left my cell in the car and starting panicing because someone clearly needed to call the fire department. I started frantically waving people down and no one would stop! I mean no one! People are real jerks sometime. Like they see three frantic women and a car on fire and they wont stop. I have a word for people like that but lets keep it PG. Finally a lady stops, rolls down the window and tell us to get in. She starts reversing....and as we move away, my car is engolfed. I think at that moment, I wanted to cry but the tears werent coming. Partly because we could have been killed if we had waited a moment longer to get out of that car. And also because my car was in flames and I was helpless. That car was alot to us. It was the first reliable car my parents could ever afford, it had been my mode of work transport for 7 years and now it was gone. Alot happened that day, but this post would go on for days. First there was panic, then shock and then tears. I miss my old car and the bus life sucks, but i am glad we all made it out alive.
Also, we moved! After 23 years in our town house we moved. It was crazy leaving that old place! There were so many memories in that shack. I was not as upset leaving as I thought I would be but at one point I did have a nervous breakdown about how small my room was. But that was it.
Anyways guys, that's all for today. The last 6 months have been a journey but I always remeber this, life will get crazy but sometimes the crazier the life, the better the stories. ;)
Love,
Sarah
Thursday, March 21, 2013
The Bill Binder
Hello Big Spenders,
Well, it's Thursday night/ Friday morning and I am up when I should be sleeping. The reason I am up though, is a good reason. I have decided that in order to get out of my debt, I need to be more organized when it comes to paying my bills. Usually I just write everything down on a piece of paper, 2 days before payday and shove it in the back of my calender for work. But I came across this cool 'Bills Binder' on Pinterest today and I was really intrigued. I decided to give it a go. No surprise my computer refused to print the 'printables' to make my binder complete, so I am stuck making them manually on Word. Can you say 'annoyed'!! Anyways, I have to admit, it may, make paying bills enjoyable. Ha ha! who are we kidding? Bills? Enjoyable? Pulease!!! But I mean, with all the colors and fun word art it will atleast make it bearable. Am I allowed using that word? I have yet to complete my work of art as I got sleepy and gave up quickly. Anyways, when I am finished I will share it with you all! Have a good sleep!
Well, it's Thursday night/ Friday morning and I am up when I should be sleeping. The reason I am up though, is a good reason. I have decided that in order to get out of my debt, I need to be more organized when it comes to paying my bills. Usually I just write everything down on a piece of paper, 2 days before payday and shove it in the back of my calender for work. But I came across this cool 'Bills Binder' on Pinterest today and I was really intrigued. I decided to give it a go. No surprise my computer refused to print the 'printables' to make my binder complete, so I am stuck making them manually on Word. Can you say 'annoyed'!! Anyways, I have to admit, it may, make paying bills enjoyable. Ha ha! who are we kidding? Bills? Enjoyable? Pulease!!! But I mean, with all the colors and fun word art it will atleast make it bearable. Am I allowed using that word? I have yet to complete my work of art as I got sleepy and gave up quickly. Anyways, when I am finished I will share it with you all! Have a good sleep!
Friday, March 15, 2013
When Good Paydays Go Bad
Yah, I know it's 1am but I am just too exhausted to sleep, if that makes sense. But what I am trying to say is, I am just too stressed out to even hit the pillow yet. You know those nights when you can actually feel the bags under your eyes? Yeah, that is totally me right now. I know I need to get some shut eye because I have to get up for work at 8am. But today was a bust. Well, I guess what I should say is, today was a good day until this evening and then it turned into a stinker.
So, I got my pay check today and I had my budget all worked out. After all my bills were paid, which included a visa payment and paying back all my family members the money I owed them, I only had two plans, to go buy some makeup and then to purchase a new pair of glasses (the website that I order my glasses off of was having a good sale). After that I would still have a good amount of savings and some left over cash for the week. After accomplishing my budget and my calculations coming out correctly, it seems like I was ahead, which means I was in a good place financially and I wouldn't be completely poor for the next two weeks. I even went to Ikea and didn't buy one item! I know its Ikea but I usually find something to buy! But life thought I was having too much of a good time and then yelled 'Syke!'. I was on my way home tonight and I noticed my cell phone was acting up. Turned out that my phone company disconnected me because I went over my spending limit! I saw red!My car is not reliable and most of the time i am on my own, so I need my phone for emergency purposes. I had to dip into my week money and now I am going to be living off of my sad savings for the next two weeks. I was going to treat myself to a movie this weekend but it looks like life thought that was too wild for me this week.
To be honest, payday is the best and worst day of the week. You are so happy that you have a replenishment of money and that you may be able to buy some little things here and there. Maybe you can go out with your friends and party a little or you can finally buy that dress that you have been eyeing for a week. But it's also the worst day because if your like me and most everyone on the planet, you have bills and by the time you pay all those bills, your down to nothing in just a few short hours. You work a whole two weeks to make a $600 check, but it seems to disintegrate in a matter of hours. Ahhh...such is life I guess. Just hoping I can survive the next weeks on my 'savings'. :|
So, I got my pay check today and I had my budget all worked out. After all my bills were paid, which included a visa payment and paying back all my family members the money I owed them, I only had two plans, to go buy some makeup and then to purchase a new pair of glasses (the website that I order my glasses off of was having a good sale). After that I would still have a good amount of savings and some left over cash for the week. After accomplishing my budget and my calculations coming out correctly, it seems like I was ahead, which means I was in a good place financially and I wouldn't be completely poor for the next two weeks. I even went to Ikea and didn't buy one item! I know its Ikea but I usually find something to buy! But life thought I was having too much of a good time and then yelled 'Syke!'. I was on my way home tonight and I noticed my cell phone was acting up. Turned out that my phone company disconnected me because I went over my spending limit! I saw red!My car is not reliable and most of the time i am on my own, so I need my phone for emergency purposes. I had to dip into my week money and now I am going to be living off of my sad savings for the next two weeks. I was going to treat myself to a movie this weekend but it looks like life thought that was too wild for me this week.
To be honest, payday is the best and worst day of the week. You are so happy that you have a replenishment of money and that you may be able to buy some little things here and there. Maybe you can go out with your friends and party a little or you can finally buy that dress that you have been eyeing for a week. But it's also the worst day because if your like me and most everyone on the planet, you have bills and by the time you pay all those bills, your down to nothing in just a few short hours. You work a whole two weeks to make a $600 check, but it seems to disintegrate in a matter of hours. Ahhh...such is life I guess. Just hoping I can survive the next weeks on my 'savings'. :|
Thursday, March 14, 2013
What does money looks like again?
As you can see, my blog has changed a bit, including the title and layout. The reason for this change is because when I first started this blog, I was unsure of what I actually wanted to write about so I kind of just picked something easy. So, in essence the name and layout were a temporary fixer. I knew I wanted to blog about all the shenanigans that seem to happen around here but in light of recent events (my recent debt struggle) I decided to write about all my efforts to pay off my bills and trying to find ways to save money but still enjoy the life I'm living, perhaps in a zombie-esque way, but living none-the-less.
I made alot of mistakes when I was a teen, but one of those major mistakes was getting a credit card. What the hell was I thinking?! And more importantly, What were THEY thinking when they gave me to credit card?! I guess they assumed that since I was 18 and technically considered an adult that I could handle a credit card, but they forgot to consider the 'teen' part of 18. Yes, I handled it well for a while but you know the term, 'your eyes are bigger than your stomach'? Well, you could say that it relates to this too. I got a little greedy and decided to ask for a credit limit increase. Stupid, stupid me. I willingly went from a debt I could afford to a debt that would change my life. Now, life seemed to get better at one point, I was working in a salon and it seemed that I had a career. So, I applied for a second credit card, Do Not Ask Me Why! I was approved.
The rest is history, I guess and now my bed is made. I am too terrified to even enquire as to my credit rating and I am working on keeping the creditors at bay. But what happens now? Well, I make payments, wait for naggy calls, work, sleep, eat and try and find a way to fulfill my lust for shopping without breaking the bank, perhaps I will have to take up some thrift shopping. I do have a guy friend who loves to thrift shop, so he may have to show me the ropes to looking' incredible in your Granddads coat'. Plan on taking a hike this weekend so hopefully going to keep it simple and cheap by enjoying nature. I look forward to getting out of the hole I've dug for myself, but hopefully I'll have fun exploring on the way out.
P.S- This blog will still relate the crazy and sometimes, unbelievably true events of my crazy life.
Sunday, March 10, 2013
What is love? Does it exist?
Love? What is it? And...does it exist? That is such a good question and in all honesty, I have no freakin' idea. I thought more than once, that I had finally found it. You know, listening to all the sappy love songs, watching all the romantic movies and hoping things end like Pride and Prejudice. But usually at the end of it all I'm on the couch devouring a tub of Ben and Jerry's with mascara running down my face. Oh and listening to a ton of Taylor Swift songs about burning his pictures. Let's examine 'love' for a second.
Love can be defined in alot of way, sometimes we see someone and based on their outward appearance we believe that we are in love. But here is the thing, we all have a 'type' I would kill for a Tom Hardy clone, but let's face it, probably not going to happen. That's the thing about the 'type', it usually doesn't symbolize what we will end up with. Sometime we end up with the total opposite of what we want. But then there are these people who will not let the 'type' go, they will search until they are 80 just to find the exact thing they want. In my opinion though, they will end up sad and alone because they looked for someone perfect on the outside but didn't bother with the goods on the inside. I think love is about finding someone you are compatible with, not saying looks aren't important, but sometimes people become more attractive when we get to know the inner person. They suddenly become everything we were looking for.
At the end of the day 'Love' makes us feel good and if we don't feel good, they it isn't love...
Love can be defined in alot of way, sometimes we see someone and based on their outward appearance we believe that we are in love. But here is the thing, we all have a 'type' I would kill for a Tom Hardy clone, but let's face it, probably not going to happen. That's the thing about the 'type', it usually doesn't symbolize what we will end up with. Sometime we end up with the total opposite of what we want. But then there are these people who will not let the 'type' go, they will search until they are 80 just to find the exact thing they want. In my opinion though, they will end up sad and alone because they looked for someone perfect on the outside but didn't bother with the goods on the inside. I think love is about finding someone you are compatible with, not saying looks aren't important, but sometimes people become more attractive when we get to know the inner person. They suddenly become everything we were looking for.
At the end of the day 'Love' makes us feel good and if we don't feel good, they it isn't love...
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Tax Pain :S
Well, my friends, it's that time of year again and usually for me it is a good time of year because it means I get a tax refund! You know, you make all these plans, like, I'm going to pay all my bills or go on a vacation, or buy those hot shoes that cost a load. It's just one of those things where you are going to use all your hard earned money for that special something. But then the unthinkable happens, you owe money...What do you do then?
I ball my eyes out, throw myself on the floor and kick and scream till I can't hear anything. And this my friends it only the beginning. I stress, I stress like it's a trend. I over think everything and sometimes I just need to shut my lips and shut off my brain. It's like a baker running out of yeast. Ok, I think the most ironic part of this whole dramatic sequence is, over the last 2 days I spent over $100 on shoes only because I thought I would be able to pay it back with my return money. Not in a million years did I ever think that I would owe money. So here is the silly part, the only reason I owe money is because of my stupid second job. A job I had for 3 months and received nothing but pain, annoyance and misery. It was one of those 'just shoot me' jobs. You know, where every time you see your boss, you want to punch them out. Yeah, that one.
So that's it, tax season is a wrap for me and all I got out of it was two pairs of shoes I can't pay for, a visa and mastercard bill that are drowning me and a tearful night of misery. Awesome!
I ball my eyes out, throw myself on the floor and kick and scream till I can't hear anything. And this my friends it only the beginning. I stress, I stress like it's a trend. I over think everything and sometimes I just need to shut my lips and shut off my brain. It's like a baker running out of yeast. Ok, I think the most ironic part of this whole dramatic sequence is, over the last 2 days I spent over $100 on shoes only because I thought I would be able to pay it back with my return money. Not in a million years did I ever think that I would owe money. So here is the silly part, the only reason I owe money is because of my stupid second job. A job I had for 3 months and received nothing but pain, annoyance and misery. It was one of those 'just shoot me' jobs. You know, where every time you see your boss, you want to punch them out. Yeah, that one.
So that's it, tax season is a wrap for me and all I got out of it was two pairs of shoes I can't pay for, a visa and mastercard bill that are drowning me and a tearful night of misery. Awesome!
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Should I laugh or cry?
Do you ever have those moments? Those times where you aren't sure whether you should be rolling in laughter or crying your eyes out? Those moments where whats happening to you just can't be reality? Well, let me tell you about the day I had on Saturday.
Now, unfortunately for me, I work most Saturday's and let me tell you, it blows! As if I want to be working retail on a Saturday with people and there complaining when I could be home cuddled up in bed instead. Anyways, This are going to get worse. The night before I had to literally dig my car out of my parking spot since, you know, I don't have a garage. The stupid snow plow embedded my car in snow. There was snow jammed up in my grill, literally! So, on Saturday morning I go to turn on my car and it starts. I go to put it in drive and it stalls. I keep cranking and after about 4 cranks, it finally starts. After driving around and finally getting to work, I pull into my spot and go to turn off my car. I get out and I start wondering why there is still smoke coming out to my freaking exhaust. I finally realize that my car is still running even though the car appears to be off. I get back in and my car still won't turn off. After about 30 minutes playing around with it a dude comes over to help. He begins fiddling with a bunch of things under the hood and suddenly my car starts smoking. Although I appreciated his help, at this point I so frustrated I just want to wring his neck! Holding back my flying punches I finally calm down. He tell me I should take my car to a Walmart in the plaza as soon as possible. He also tell me that it's not a good idea to push the gas peddle hard. Even though the Walmart is in the same plaza, it feels like an eternity getting there and I am so paranoid that my car is going to blow up I am barely pressing the gas. I get there and in a panic, tell them my story. The lady, who seems unconcerned, tells me that they don't have a mechanic on site, that they only deal with batteries, tires and lube. At this point, I wanted to throw my hands in the air saying 'Gee! Thanks Lady!' but instead I literally run out the doors. And let me tell you, I don't run unless my butts on fire. I cross to the Canadian Tire across the street. As I am driving along and looking for the garage. I realized I passed it and needed to turn around. Let me explain first, The parking lot is buzzing since it's a Saturday morning and most of the parking lot is packed with about a foot and a half of snow from the night before. Since the parking lot was too busy to make a 3 point turn, I only had one option. I was going to have to face the snow filled parking lot. I try to follow the tire marks as I go along. In a panic state, I get stuck...in the middle of the parking lot...right next to a Police car...I am so over concerned that my car is going to explode I jump out and after telling the police car why my car was idling, I began my trek through the parking lot to the garage. By the time I reached the door I am totally out breathe and as I stood there waiting forever to speak with someone, two things crossed my mind, first, why the crap is this happening to me? and second, I should have gotten frigging snow tires! After a brief moment filled with nausea, heartburn and sheer panic I finally talk to someone. After explaining my issues to the mechanic and him checking things out he tells me to go back to my mechanic and get them to fix it. So, i drive my car to my mechanic and after waiting 15 minutes for them to figure out what is going on with my stupid car, it's fixed. I head back to work and everything seems fine. But as I turn into my plaza my gas tank reads 1/2 full when I know full well that I was on empty. Suddenly my radio funks out and then my windshield wipers slowly start to rise. Something is defiantly wrong! I turn the corner and my car seems to be dying. After getting to my spot, my car conks out! I literally sit there for 5 minutes laughing/crying because i actually can't believe this is happening. When does this happen in real life? What did i do to deserve this?
I think that was possibly the worse day i have had in a long time! It was one of those days where you feel every feeling possible. A feeling of puking, fainting, crying, laughing and needing a hard drink...
Now, unfortunately for me, I work most Saturday's and let me tell you, it blows! As if I want to be working retail on a Saturday with people and there complaining when I could be home cuddled up in bed instead. Anyways, This are going to get worse. The night before I had to literally dig my car out of my parking spot since, you know, I don't have a garage. The stupid snow plow embedded my car in snow. There was snow jammed up in my grill, literally! So, on Saturday morning I go to turn on my car and it starts. I go to put it in drive and it stalls. I keep cranking and after about 4 cranks, it finally starts. After driving around and finally getting to work, I pull into my spot and go to turn off my car. I get out and I start wondering why there is still smoke coming out to my freaking exhaust. I finally realize that my car is still running even though the car appears to be off. I get back in and my car still won't turn off. After about 30 minutes playing around with it a dude comes over to help. He begins fiddling with a bunch of things under the hood and suddenly my car starts smoking. Although I appreciated his help, at this point I so frustrated I just want to wring his neck! Holding back my flying punches I finally calm down. He tell me I should take my car to a Walmart in the plaza as soon as possible. He also tell me that it's not a good idea to push the gas peddle hard. Even though the Walmart is in the same plaza, it feels like an eternity getting there and I am so paranoid that my car is going to blow up I am barely pressing the gas. I get there and in a panic, tell them my story. The lady, who seems unconcerned, tells me that they don't have a mechanic on site, that they only deal with batteries, tires and lube. At this point, I wanted to throw my hands in the air saying 'Gee! Thanks Lady!' but instead I literally run out the doors. And let me tell you, I don't run unless my butts on fire. I cross to the Canadian Tire across the street. As I am driving along and looking for the garage. I realized I passed it and needed to turn around. Let me explain first, The parking lot is buzzing since it's a Saturday morning and most of the parking lot is packed with about a foot and a half of snow from the night before. Since the parking lot was too busy to make a 3 point turn, I only had one option. I was going to have to face the snow filled parking lot. I try to follow the tire marks as I go along. In a panic state, I get stuck...in the middle of the parking lot...right next to a Police car...I am so over concerned that my car is going to explode I jump out and after telling the police car why my car was idling, I began my trek through the parking lot to the garage. By the time I reached the door I am totally out breathe and as I stood there waiting forever to speak with someone, two things crossed my mind, first, why the crap is this happening to me? and second, I should have gotten frigging snow tires! After a brief moment filled with nausea, heartburn and sheer panic I finally talk to someone. After explaining my issues to the mechanic and him checking things out he tells me to go back to my mechanic and get them to fix it. So, i drive my car to my mechanic and after waiting 15 minutes for them to figure out what is going on with my stupid car, it's fixed. I head back to work and everything seems fine. But as I turn into my plaza my gas tank reads 1/2 full when I know full well that I was on empty. Suddenly my radio funks out and then my windshield wipers slowly start to rise. Something is defiantly wrong! I turn the corner and my car seems to be dying. After getting to my spot, my car conks out! I literally sit there for 5 minutes laughing/crying because i actually can't believe this is happening. When does this happen in real life? What did i do to deserve this?
I think that was possibly the worse day i have had in a long time! It was one of those days where you feel every feeling possible. A feeling of puking, fainting, crying, laughing and needing a hard drink...
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Why do we expect ,only to be disappointed by what we expect?
I guess that question doesn't really have an answer because no body could begin to comprehend why we live in expectation of anything. Sometimes we expect way too much of ourselves and we end up disapointed when our pathes lead us other ways. For instance, Growing up you saw your life a certain way. After highschool you wanted to go to school for something that would change the world. After college/uni you would find your dream job full of every perk known to the working world. By 24 you would meet 'the one' and by 30 you would have 3 little ones (A boy and two girls, to be exact) and a dog named Sparky. Life will be complete and total bliss. But instead you find yourself working some critical 9-5 job with weasly pay and you are single. And the kids and Sparky? Well, let's just say they 'haven't been invented yet'.
So, are you happy things didn't work out the way you planned? No Way!! You thrived on that idea! Ofcourse your not happy. But at the end of the day, whose fault is that? Well, to be frank, Yours. See, you put the bar so damn high, that it's impossible to raise your leg high enough to jump over it! You built this wall around you so that basically, if you don't fit the bill, you can't even show me what you got. I am not a therypist but I know an 'expecter' when I see one. What bothers me is that these people are amazing, smart, funny, charming, etc. But they won't let anyone in that isn't what they expected. We are fighting with ourselves because on the inside we want to, but on the outside, this isn't what we anticipated so, it just can't happen.
I see alot of people around me like this and I started wondering if this is what I am like without realizing it. After some soul searching I realized, we all have a bit of expectation in us, we all have an idea of how life should be, but what separated the boys from the men is this, Expecting life to be perfect or dreaming that life was perfect. We all have a right to dream and wish for something bigger and better, but if we take it too far where it rules our thoughts and mind, that's life just becomes a disappointment.
So, Will you be an expector or a dreamer? Think about it...
So, are you happy things didn't work out the way you planned? No Way!! You thrived on that idea! Ofcourse your not happy. But at the end of the day, whose fault is that? Well, to be frank, Yours. See, you put the bar so damn high, that it's impossible to raise your leg high enough to jump over it! You built this wall around you so that basically, if you don't fit the bill, you can't even show me what you got. I am not a therypist but I know an 'expecter' when I see one. What bothers me is that these people are amazing, smart, funny, charming, etc. But they won't let anyone in that isn't what they expected. We are fighting with ourselves because on the inside we want to, but on the outside, this isn't what we anticipated so, it just can't happen.
I see alot of people around me like this and I started wondering if this is what I am like without realizing it. After some soul searching I realized, we all have a bit of expectation in us, we all have an idea of how life should be, but what separated the boys from the men is this, Expecting life to be perfect or dreaming that life was perfect. We all have a right to dream and wish for something bigger and better, but if we take it too far where it rules our thoughts and mind, that's life just becomes a disappointment.
So, Will you be an expector or a dreamer? Think about it...
Sunday, February 3, 2013
A Question I get alot...Are you joking?
So, let's begin, shall we? Let's start off with my Dad. I am 23 years old and I sport a 70 year old father. Now alot of people can't believe that I have a father that old but there are some who actually don't find it that strange. I think if I had a 'younger' more debonair 70 year old father things may be more believable but unfortunately my father is none too well. He has suffered for about 20 some-odd years with diabetes and it soon took his eyesight. This also included his Independence, such as his drivers licence and will to do anything. This occurred about 15 years ago. About 6 years ago he was told that his kidneys were failing and that if he wanted to live, he would need to do dialysis 3 times a week. Now, life seems hard when you have a father who has Diabetes, is blind and now his kidneys are failing. Just when you think that's bad, you find out that you now suffer from dementia. At first things seemed okay, but then things just got worse. It soon hits a point where you can no longer leave the knobs on the stove for fear that he will set the house a blaze while your all sleeping. Fear that he will let some murderer in the house or worse yet, fall down the stairs and break his neck. After facing about 15 years of this kind of escalation, we finally make a choice and I think you all know what that choice is...
Now Mom, ah, Mom. Now my mother is 9 years younger than my Dad. Since she had my sister and I later in life, we keep her young. But being young on the outside does not equal young on the inside, unfortunately. Around 15 years ago we were on a trip to Kentucky to visit my Grandparents, while on the trip my Mom receives a phone call from my Dad saying that he Doctor has called with the results of her latest mammogram and she is faced with her first bout of breast cancer (Yes, I said FIRST). After a surgery to remove the cancerous lump she is said to be in remission. About 7 year go by and she is faced again with breast cancer, after another surgery she is back on the mend. But my friends, that is not it. 2 years pass and she is told she again has a cancerous lump. She must face another surgery. This surgery does not occur once but 3 times due to the doctor not getting the margins correctly. So after being sliced and diced 3 times she is finally in the clear. The doctor tells he that he sees some 'dark spots' on her skull and spine and wants her to radiate them just to make sure. After 3 second opinions she decided against it because no one seems to know what they are. Two years pass with no troubles and then, the worst happens....
Mom complains with a stiff neck, she used all sorts of methods to cure the ache but receives no satisfaction. After weeks of this spasm she ends up heading the hospital, first receiving Codeine and 2 ER visits later she is on Morphine. But when Morphine isn't helping the pain, there is something bigger going on. Mom's last trip to the ER was the scariest moment of my life! I was home showering and eating lunch when I receive a call. It's Mom and she says 'Sarah, I have a fracture in my neck and they are taking me to Hamilton for immediate surgery. I love you but I have got to go, they are taking me now'. Mom's groggy voice drifts away and my heart sinks. She didn't even tell me which hospital they were taking her too. I needed to find my Mom! After an adrenaline rush like you wouldn't believe, I drove all over looking for the hospital mom was in and finally found her. After test and Xrays they find that cancer (The dark spots on her skull and neck) have eaten away at her vertebra and she essentially has no neck! Her two options, leave things the way they are and eventually go paralysed or have a metal rod put into your neck which will leave you without the ability to turn your neck.
Are you joking? That is the usual response to this story. But no, I am not joking. As of right now, I do have both my parents. Dad is off to a long term care facility this week, but he will be much safer there. And Mom? Well, she chose to go with the rods. She did end up going through radiation on those neck spots and she does have terminal bone cancer. But she is living a fulfilling life. She drives and cleans and everything in between but she knows when she needs to take a break. Bottom line, life is full of uncertainty but at the end of the day life goes on and we may as well live while we are living.
SG
Now Mom, ah, Mom. Now my mother is 9 years younger than my Dad. Since she had my sister and I later in life, we keep her young. But being young on the outside does not equal young on the inside, unfortunately. Around 15 years ago we were on a trip to Kentucky to visit my Grandparents, while on the trip my Mom receives a phone call from my Dad saying that he Doctor has called with the results of her latest mammogram and she is faced with her first bout of breast cancer (Yes, I said FIRST). After a surgery to remove the cancerous lump she is said to be in remission. About 7 year go by and she is faced again with breast cancer, after another surgery she is back on the mend. But my friends, that is not it. 2 years pass and she is told she again has a cancerous lump. She must face another surgery. This surgery does not occur once but 3 times due to the doctor not getting the margins correctly. So after being sliced and diced 3 times she is finally in the clear. The doctor tells he that he sees some 'dark spots' on her skull and spine and wants her to radiate them just to make sure. After 3 second opinions she decided against it because no one seems to know what they are. Two years pass with no troubles and then, the worst happens....
Mom complains with a stiff neck, she used all sorts of methods to cure the ache but receives no satisfaction. After weeks of this spasm she ends up heading the hospital, first receiving Codeine and 2 ER visits later she is on Morphine. But when Morphine isn't helping the pain, there is something bigger going on. Mom's last trip to the ER was the scariest moment of my life! I was home showering and eating lunch when I receive a call. It's Mom and she says 'Sarah, I have a fracture in my neck and they are taking me to Hamilton for immediate surgery. I love you but I have got to go, they are taking me now'. Mom's groggy voice drifts away and my heart sinks. She didn't even tell me which hospital they were taking her too. I needed to find my Mom! After an adrenaline rush like you wouldn't believe, I drove all over looking for the hospital mom was in and finally found her. After test and Xrays they find that cancer (The dark spots on her skull and neck) have eaten away at her vertebra and she essentially has no neck! Her two options, leave things the way they are and eventually go paralysed or have a metal rod put into your neck which will leave you without the ability to turn your neck.
Are you joking? That is the usual response to this story. But no, I am not joking. As of right now, I do have both my parents. Dad is off to a long term care facility this week, but he will be much safer there. And Mom? Well, she chose to go with the rods. She did end up going through radiation on those neck spots and she does have terminal bone cancer. But she is living a fulfilling life. She drives and cleans and everything in between but she knows when she needs to take a break. Bottom line, life is full of uncertainty but at the end of the day life goes on and we may as well live while we are living.
SG
Intro to my new blog
For those of who can't seem to wrap your head around my beauty blog post, this one is for you. I decided to write a blog all about my life. You know that moment sometimes when you just can't help but think, 'is this really happening right now?'. I know that you can all relate and that is why I decided the write this blog. Sometimes I just need to rant because everything that is going on is just so bogus that you have to share. You know, sometimes I wondering if I'm dreaming and all these weird scenarios are actually one big dream and I'll wake up in my old bedroom with Peter Rabbit wallpaper and Mom will be telling me to wake up for school. *sigh* That would be nice. I am not one to hold in my feelings and alot of people tell me that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It used to bother me but now I have learned that maybe I need to embrace the Drama Queen in me and share with the world just the kind of life I lead. Some of you may find it entertaining, while others may actually believe that it's one big exageration. Who knows, but whatever the case, I know it will at least be somewhat entertaining. So without further ado, I give you The Heart on my Sleeve...
SG
SG
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