Well, my friends, it's that time of year again and usually for me it is a good time of year because it means I get a tax refund! You know, you make all these plans, like, I'm going to pay all my bills or go on a vacation, or buy those hot shoes that cost a load. It's just one of those things where you are going to use all your hard earned money for that special something. But then the unthinkable happens, you owe money...What do you do then?
I ball my eyes out, throw myself on the floor and kick and scream till I can't hear anything. And this my friends it only the beginning. I stress, I stress like it's a trend. I over think everything and sometimes I just need to shut my lips and shut off my brain. It's like a baker running out of yeast. Ok, I think the most ironic part of this whole dramatic sequence is, over the last 2 days I spent over $100 on shoes only because I thought I would be able to pay it back with my return money. Not in a million years did I ever think that I would owe money. So here is the silly part, the only reason I owe money is because of my stupid second job. A job I had for 3 months and received nothing but pain, annoyance and misery. It was one of those 'just shoot me' jobs. You know, where every time you see your boss, you want to punch them out. Yeah, that one.
So that's it, tax season is a wrap for me and all I got out of it was two pairs of shoes I can't pay for, a visa and mastercard bill that are drowning me and a tearful night of misery. Awesome!
Tuesday, February 26, 2013
Tuesday, February 12, 2013
Should I laugh or cry?
Do you ever have those moments? Those times where you aren't sure whether you should be rolling in laughter or crying your eyes out? Those moments where whats happening to you just can't be reality? Well, let me tell you about the day I had on Saturday.
Now, unfortunately for me, I work most Saturday's and let me tell you, it blows! As if I want to be working retail on a Saturday with people and there complaining when I could be home cuddled up in bed instead. Anyways, This are going to get worse. The night before I had to literally dig my car out of my parking spot since, you know, I don't have a garage. The stupid snow plow embedded my car in snow. There was snow jammed up in my grill, literally! So, on Saturday morning I go to turn on my car and it starts. I go to put it in drive and it stalls. I keep cranking and after about 4 cranks, it finally starts. After driving around and finally getting to work, I pull into my spot and go to turn off my car. I get out and I start wondering why there is still smoke coming out to my freaking exhaust. I finally realize that my car is still running even though the car appears to be off. I get back in and my car still won't turn off. After about 30 minutes playing around with it a dude comes over to help. He begins fiddling with a bunch of things under the hood and suddenly my car starts smoking. Although I appreciated his help, at this point I so frustrated I just want to wring his neck! Holding back my flying punches I finally calm down. He tell me I should take my car to a Walmart in the plaza as soon as possible. He also tell me that it's not a good idea to push the gas peddle hard. Even though the Walmart is in the same plaza, it feels like an eternity getting there and I am so paranoid that my car is going to blow up I am barely pressing the gas. I get there and in a panic, tell them my story. The lady, who seems unconcerned, tells me that they don't have a mechanic on site, that they only deal with batteries, tires and lube. At this point, I wanted to throw my hands in the air saying 'Gee! Thanks Lady!' but instead I literally run out the doors. And let me tell you, I don't run unless my butts on fire. I cross to the Canadian Tire across the street. As I am driving along and looking for the garage. I realized I passed it and needed to turn around. Let me explain first, The parking lot is buzzing since it's a Saturday morning and most of the parking lot is packed with about a foot and a half of snow from the night before. Since the parking lot was too busy to make a 3 point turn, I only had one option. I was going to have to face the snow filled parking lot. I try to follow the tire marks as I go along. In a panic state, I get stuck...in the middle of the parking lot...right next to a Police car...I am so over concerned that my car is going to explode I jump out and after telling the police car why my car was idling, I began my trek through the parking lot to the garage. By the time I reached the door I am totally out breathe and as I stood there waiting forever to speak with someone, two things crossed my mind, first, why the crap is this happening to me? and second, I should have gotten frigging snow tires! After a brief moment filled with nausea, heartburn and sheer panic I finally talk to someone. After explaining my issues to the mechanic and him checking things out he tells me to go back to my mechanic and get them to fix it. So, i drive my car to my mechanic and after waiting 15 minutes for them to figure out what is going on with my stupid car, it's fixed. I head back to work and everything seems fine. But as I turn into my plaza my gas tank reads 1/2 full when I know full well that I was on empty. Suddenly my radio funks out and then my windshield wipers slowly start to rise. Something is defiantly wrong! I turn the corner and my car seems to be dying. After getting to my spot, my car conks out! I literally sit there for 5 minutes laughing/crying because i actually can't believe this is happening. When does this happen in real life? What did i do to deserve this?
I think that was possibly the worse day i have had in a long time! It was one of those days where you feel every feeling possible. A feeling of puking, fainting, crying, laughing and needing a hard drink...
Now, unfortunately for me, I work most Saturday's and let me tell you, it blows! As if I want to be working retail on a Saturday with people and there complaining when I could be home cuddled up in bed instead. Anyways, This are going to get worse. The night before I had to literally dig my car out of my parking spot since, you know, I don't have a garage. The stupid snow plow embedded my car in snow. There was snow jammed up in my grill, literally! So, on Saturday morning I go to turn on my car and it starts. I go to put it in drive and it stalls. I keep cranking and after about 4 cranks, it finally starts. After driving around and finally getting to work, I pull into my spot and go to turn off my car. I get out and I start wondering why there is still smoke coming out to my freaking exhaust. I finally realize that my car is still running even though the car appears to be off. I get back in and my car still won't turn off. After about 30 minutes playing around with it a dude comes over to help. He begins fiddling with a bunch of things under the hood and suddenly my car starts smoking. Although I appreciated his help, at this point I so frustrated I just want to wring his neck! Holding back my flying punches I finally calm down. He tell me I should take my car to a Walmart in the plaza as soon as possible. He also tell me that it's not a good idea to push the gas peddle hard. Even though the Walmart is in the same plaza, it feels like an eternity getting there and I am so paranoid that my car is going to blow up I am barely pressing the gas. I get there and in a panic, tell them my story. The lady, who seems unconcerned, tells me that they don't have a mechanic on site, that they only deal with batteries, tires and lube. At this point, I wanted to throw my hands in the air saying 'Gee! Thanks Lady!' but instead I literally run out the doors. And let me tell you, I don't run unless my butts on fire. I cross to the Canadian Tire across the street. As I am driving along and looking for the garage. I realized I passed it and needed to turn around. Let me explain first, The parking lot is buzzing since it's a Saturday morning and most of the parking lot is packed with about a foot and a half of snow from the night before. Since the parking lot was too busy to make a 3 point turn, I only had one option. I was going to have to face the snow filled parking lot. I try to follow the tire marks as I go along. In a panic state, I get stuck...in the middle of the parking lot...right next to a Police car...I am so over concerned that my car is going to explode I jump out and after telling the police car why my car was idling, I began my trek through the parking lot to the garage. By the time I reached the door I am totally out breathe and as I stood there waiting forever to speak with someone, two things crossed my mind, first, why the crap is this happening to me? and second, I should have gotten frigging snow tires! After a brief moment filled with nausea, heartburn and sheer panic I finally talk to someone. After explaining my issues to the mechanic and him checking things out he tells me to go back to my mechanic and get them to fix it. So, i drive my car to my mechanic and after waiting 15 minutes for them to figure out what is going on with my stupid car, it's fixed. I head back to work and everything seems fine. But as I turn into my plaza my gas tank reads 1/2 full when I know full well that I was on empty. Suddenly my radio funks out and then my windshield wipers slowly start to rise. Something is defiantly wrong! I turn the corner and my car seems to be dying. After getting to my spot, my car conks out! I literally sit there for 5 minutes laughing/crying because i actually can't believe this is happening. When does this happen in real life? What did i do to deserve this?
I think that was possibly the worse day i have had in a long time! It was one of those days where you feel every feeling possible. A feeling of puking, fainting, crying, laughing and needing a hard drink...
Tuesday, February 5, 2013
Why do we expect ,only to be disappointed by what we expect?
I guess that question doesn't really have an answer because no body could begin to comprehend why we live in expectation of anything. Sometimes we expect way too much of ourselves and we end up disapointed when our pathes lead us other ways. For instance, Growing up you saw your life a certain way. After highschool you wanted to go to school for something that would change the world. After college/uni you would find your dream job full of every perk known to the working world. By 24 you would meet 'the one' and by 30 you would have 3 little ones (A boy and two girls, to be exact) and a dog named Sparky. Life will be complete and total bliss. But instead you find yourself working some critical 9-5 job with weasly pay and you are single. And the kids and Sparky? Well, let's just say they 'haven't been invented yet'.
So, are you happy things didn't work out the way you planned? No Way!! You thrived on that idea! Ofcourse your not happy. But at the end of the day, whose fault is that? Well, to be frank, Yours. See, you put the bar so damn high, that it's impossible to raise your leg high enough to jump over it! You built this wall around you so that basically, if you don't fit the bill, you can't even show me what you got. I am not a therypist but I know an 'expecter' when I see one. What bothers me is that these people are amazing, smart, funny, charming, etc. But they won't let anyone in that isn't what they expected. We are fighting with ourselves because on the inside we want to, but on the outside, this isn't what we anticipated so, it just can't happen.
I see alot of people around me like this and I started wondering if this is what I am like without realizing it. After some soul searching I realized, we all have a bit of expectation in us, we all have an idea of how life should be, but what separated the boys from the men is this, Expecting life to be perfect or dreaming that life was perfect. We all have a right to dream and wish for something bigger and better, but if we take it too far where it rules our thoughts and mind, that's life just becomes a disappointment.
So, Will you be an expector or a dreamer? Think about it...
So, are you happy things didn't work out the way you planned? No Way!! You thrived on that idea! Ofcourse your not happy. But at the end of the day, whose fault is that? Well, to be frank, Yours. See, you put the bar so damn high, that it's impossible to raise your leg high enough to jump over it! You built this wall around you so that basically, if you don't fit the bill, you can't even show me what you got. I am not a therypist but I know an 'expecter' when I see one. What bothers me is that these people are amazing, smart, funny, charming, etc. But they won't let anyone in that isn't what they expected. We are fighting with ourselves because on the inside we want to, but on the outside, this isn't what we anticipated so, it just can't happen.
I see alot of people around me like this and I started wondering if this is what I am like without realizing it. After some soul searching I realized, we all have a bit of expectation in us, we all have an idea of how life should be, but what separated the boys from the men is this, Expecting life to be perfect or dreaming that life was perfect. We all have a right to dream and wish for something bigger and better, but if we take it too far where it rules our thoughts and mind, that's life just becomes a disappointment.
So, Will you be an expector or a dreamer? Think about it...
Sunday, February 3, 2013
A Question I get alot...Are you joking?
So, let's begin, shall we? Let's start off with my Dad. I am 23 years old and I sport a 70 year old father. Now alot of people can't believe that I have a father that old but there are some who actually don't find it that strange. I think if I had a 'younger' more debonair 70 year old father things may be more believable but unfortunately my father is none too well. He has suffered for about 20 some-odd years with diabetes and it soon took his eyesight. This also included his Independence, such as his drivers licence and will to do anything. This occurred about 15 years ago. About 6 years ago he was told that his kidneys were failing and that if he wanted to live, he would need to do dialysis 3 times a week. Now, life seems hard when you have a father who has Diabetes, is blind and now his kidneys are failing. Just when you think that's bad, you find out that you now suffer from dementia. At first things seemed okay, but then things just got worse. It soon hits a point where you can no longer leave the knobs on the stove for fear that he will set the house a blaze while your all sleeping. Fear that he will let some murderer in the house or worse yet, fall down the stairs and break his neck. After facing about 15 years of this kind of escalation, we finally make a choice and I think you all know what that choice is...
Now Mom, ah, Mom. Now my mother is 9 years younger than my Dad. Since she had my sister and I later in life, we keep her young. But being young on the outside does not equal young on the inside, unfortunately. Around 15 years ago we were on a trip to Kentucky to visit my Grandparents, while on the trip my Mom receives a phone call from my Dad saying that he Doctor has called with the results of her latest mammogram and she is faced with her first bout of breast cancer (Yes, I said FIRST). After a surgery to remove the cancerous lump she is said to be in remission. About 7 year go by and she is faced again with breast cancer, after another surgery she is back on the mend. But my friends, that is not it. 2 years pass and she is told she again has a cancerous lump. She must face another surgery. This surgery does not occur once but 3 times due to the doctor not getting the margins correctly. So after being sliced and diced 3 times she is finally in the clear. The doctor tells he that he sees some 'dark spots' on her skull and spine and wants her to radiate them just to make sure. After 3 second opinions she decided against it because no one seems to know what they are. Two years pass with no troubles and then, the worst happens....
Mom complains with a stiff neck, she used all sorts of methods to cure the ache but receives no satisfaction. After weeks of this spasm she ends up heading the hospital, first receiving Codeine and 2 ER visits later she is on Morphine. But when Morphine isn't helping the pain, there is something bigger going on. Mom's last trip to the ER was the scariest moment of my life! I was home showering and eating lunch when I receive a call. It's Mom and she says 'Sarah, I have a fracture in my neck and they are taking me to Hamilton for immediate surgery. I love you but I have got to go, they are taking me now'. Mom's groggy voice drifts away and my heart sinks. She didn't even tell me which hospital they were taking her too. I needed to find my Mom! After an adrenaline rush like you wouldn't believe, I drove all over looking for the hospital mom was in and finally found her. After test and Xrays they find that cancer (The dark spots on her skull and neck) have eaten away at her vertebra and she essentially has no neck! Her two options, leave things the way they are and eventually go paralysed or have a metal rod put into your neck which will leave you without the ability to turn your neck.
Are you joking? That is the usual response to this story. But no, I am not joking. As of right now, I do have both my parents. Dad is off to a long term care facility this week, but he will be much safer there. And Mom? Well, she chose to go with the rods. She did end up going through radiation on those neck spots and she does have terminal bone cancer. But she is living a fulfilling life. She drives and cleans and everything in between but she knows when she needs to take a break. Bottom line, life is full of uncertainty but at the end of the day life goes on and we may as well live while we are living.
SG
Now Mom, ah, Mom. Now my mother is 9 years younger than my Dad. Since she had my sister and I later in life, we keep her young. But being young on the outside does not equal young on the inside, unfortunately. Around 15 years ago we were on a trip to Kentucky to visit my Grandparents, while on the trip my Mom receives a phone call from my Dad saying that he Doctor has called with the results of her latest mammogram and she is faced with her first bout of breast cancer (Yes, I said FIRST). After a surgery to remove the cancerous lump she is said to be in remission. About 7 year go by and she is faced again with breast cancer, after another surgery she is back on the mend. But my friends, that is not it. 2 years pass and she is told she again has a cancerous lump. She must face another surgery. This surgery does not occur once but 3 times due to the doctor not getting the margins correctly. So after being sliced and diced 3 times she is finally in the clear. The doctor tells he that he sees some 'dark spots' on her skull and spine and wants her to radiate them just to make sure. After 3 second opinions she decided against it because no one seems to know what they are. Two years pass with no troubles and then, the worst happens....
Mom complains with a stiff neck, she used all sorts of methods to cure the ache but receives no satisfaction. After weeks of this spasm she ends up heading the hospital, first receiving Codeine and 2 ER visits later she is on Morphine. But when Morphine isn't helping the pain, there is something bigger going on. Mom's last trip to the ER was the scariest moment of my life! I was home showering and eating lunch when I receive a call. It's Mom and she says 'Sarah, I have a fracture in my neck and they are taking me to Hamilton for immediate surgery. I love you but I have got to go, they are taking me now'. Mom's groggy voice drifts away and my heart sinks. She didn't even tell me which hospital they were taking her too. I needed to find my Mom! After an adrenaline rush like you wouldn't believe, I drove all over looking for the hospital mom was in and finally found her. After test and Xrays they find that cancer (The dark spots on her skull and neck) have eaten away at her vertebra and she essentially has no neck! Her two options, leave things the way they are and eventually go paralysed or have a metal rod put into your neck which will leave you without the ability to turn your neck.
Are you joking? That is the usual response to this story. But no, I am not joking. As of right now, I do have both my parents. Dad is off to a long term care facility this week, but he will be much safer there. And Mom? Well, she chose to go with the rods. She did end up going through radiation on those neck spots and she does have terminal bone cancer. But she is living a fulfilling life. She drives and cleans and everything in between but she knows when she needs to take a break. Bottom line, life is full of uncertainty but at the end of the day life goes on and we may as well live while we are living.
SG
Intro to my new blog
For those of who can't seem to wrap your head around my beauty blog post, this one is for you. I decided to write a blog all about my life. You know that moment sometimes when you just can't help but think, 'is this really happening right now?'. I know that you can all relate and that is why I decided the write this blog. Sometimes I just need to rant because everything that is going on is just so bogus that you have to share. You know, sometimes I wondering if I'm dreaming and all these weird scenarios are actually one big dream and I'll wake up in my old bedroom with Peter Rabbit wallpaper and Mom will be telling me to wake up for school. *sigh* That would be nice. I am not one to hold in my feelings and alot of people tell me that I wear my heart on my sleeve. It used to bother me but now I have learned that maybe I need to embrace the Drama Queen in me and share with the world just the kind of life I lead. Some of you may find it entertaining, while others may actually believe that it's one big exageration. Who knows, but whatever the case, I know it will at least be somewhat entertaining. So without further ado, I give you The Heart on my Sleeve...
SG
SG
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