Long time no write. I have been so blasted busy these last couple months and I have been so busy blogging on my beauty blog, I neglected this blog. I dont really know how many of you actually read this blog but i really need to write and this place was my first thought. I used to have journal but I can't seem to sit down and write anymore so it sits on my desk and collects dust. One of the major reason I have not blogged over here in a while is because of some personal problems I have been dealing with that won't seem to fade away.
At this point in time I am dealing with alot of conflicted feelings regarding two males. Yes, I say males. One of said males is/used to be a good friend. He moved here a while back and we really hit it off. We hung out, went to movies, went for coffee, we really had a time. Ofcourse, being me, I developed feelings for him but decided to keep them to myself in fear of ruining a perfectly good friendship. As time passed, I began to see traits in him that (to me) refelcted feelings of a romantic nature. I went through all the senerios in my head and came to the conclusion that he may have a little crush on me. That being siad, I am not the kind of person to think someone likes me unless I get a strong sense that they do. Anyways, I decided to let him in on my secret. Unfortunatly, due to the numerous times I have experienced heartache, I could not do it. Everytime I tried, nothing would come out. I even went through the whole 'I'll show him with my actions' phase, but that never seemed to go the way i wanted it to. I began to get quite irritable due to the fact that he would open up to me about other girls. It bothered me, obvously. I thought maybe he is talking about other girls because he really doesn't get my feelings. I never flirted, maybe he just thought I never felt that way. I decided to put this task into someone elses hands. So, I recruited my elder sister, we will call her Jenna. I waited and waited to hear from her and when I finally did, things didn't go the way I planned. He had basically told Jenna that he didn't understand why I would feel like he liked me and that he felt uncomfortable hanging around me now. He has not spoken to or texted me since. I think what bothers me most is, not the fact that he didn't like me back, but the fact that he would throw our friendship away like that. I mean, I liked him for a year and never made anything awkward. I don't really understand why things have to be awakward now, we are adults. I am deeply hurt.
On to the other fella...This dude has become the douche who comes back for more in my books. I met this guy about 3 years ago now through a friend. When I first met him I was not super attracted to him. He was a typical nerdy looking guy. Tall, thin, glasses. I think what attacted me was the fact that he wasn't typical and that he seemed to be interested in talking to me. Over the few years, I became more and more attracted but he never seemed to want to make a relationship of it. He would talk about other girls and sort of put me on the back burner. One day at a party, we danced together for the first time and then he proceeded to tell my sister Jenna that he liked me but he wanted me to make the first move. Jenna comes running to me and tells me this. She convinces me to let my walls down and tell him how I feel. The next day we text and I proceed to confess my feelings and reveal what he said to Jenna. He brushed the whole thing off as a drunken stooper and then tells me to 'go with the flow'. To this day, I still dont understand what he meant. Since then I have seemed to be in a rotation of girls and hear from him once every 2 months. My friends, family and co-workers have deemed him a jerk and can't stand his sight. But recently he contacted me wanting to hang out and I agreed. I have not made definate arrangements but we shall see. After telling everyone fearfully and getting alot of slack for saying yes, the romantic in me wants to know what he wants now and maybe he has changed.
Among these romance issues, I have been going through something emotionally and it is making life difficult. Even just hearing a slightly sad story, I tear up. I really wish I could explain these emotions but it is difficult. I have also had a hard time saying 'no' recently. As you can see from the story above, I had no problem saying 'yes' to the douche in my life. I also signed up for a gym membership, even when it was obvious I was being slightly scammed. Something is not right. On top of my emotional issues, I have been stressing about my finances. I am really trying to get out of this hole I am in. It's scarey. If I could give on piece of finacial advice to someone, I would say, don't get a credit card when you are a teenager and on top of that, don't get a SECOND credit card when your a teenager. You are asking for it. I am paying for it now, big time, I am in a mess now and my credit is tarnished big time. I know I will fix it one day but it's going to take work.
Anyways, thats my update. Thanks for reading.
Love Sarah
Showing posts with label update. Show all posts
Showing posts with label update. Show all posts
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Life Update & Mindless jibber jabber
Hello everyone,
Longtime, no write, I know but life has been utter ciaos let me tell you. I lost interest in the 'saving' and 'paying bills' aspect when my bills went under control. I am still working at it but things are consistent and working out for the better these days. Today, I am going to give you a little update on my life recently. Let me warn you, some things will shock you. Let me start....
Around April, my 70 year old father was admitted into a long term care facility due to dementia and other diseases. This was not easy for anyone. Prior to his admittence, he was getting into everything, falling down stairs, soiling clothes and his bed and such. My mother suffers from her own illnesses and disabilities and this made things extra difficult for myself and my sister. When he was admitted, I think we all went through a little guilt over the fact that people accused us of "shoving him in a home". Some people (including family members) thought it was a way of reliving ourselves of the responsibility. It's easy to feel like maybe deep down inside that is the reason. After talking to eachother and praying alot, we came to a conclusion. No one knows the circumstances of our life. Some family member even turn their back on the fact and pretend that we are the ones with the wrong ideas. Trying to explain our feelings to people is like trying to decribe the color green. Unless you see for yourself, nothing will make sense.
Now, prepare yourself for the story of the summer. Many of my friends already know about this story but here it is for those of you who may not know. The beginning of July, my sister, mom and myself decided to head to the beach. The beach we go to is about an hour from where we live. Now my car was never in the greatest shape but we never though things would go this bad. As I drove up the highway about 30 minutes from house, I see that my battery light is flickering. I make the executive decision that I am going to pull to the side for fear that my car will break down in the middle of the highway. So, s I check my rearview mirror to get over, I see billowing smoke coming from the back end of my car. as I put the car in park and turn of the engine, smoke beins to seep through my air vents. That was clear sign that we needed to get out. We all got out and as we walk away from the car, I notice flames sitting at the base of my car. For some reason my first reaction was the pop the hood and just as I was abut the run for it, my mom grabs my arm and says we need to run the other way. I listened and I am glad we did because at that moment the car consumed with flames. My heart sank! I had left my cell in the car and starting panicing because someone clearly needed to call the fire department. I started frantically waving people down and no one would stop! I mean no one! People are real jerks sometime. Like they see three frantic women and a car on fire and they wont stop. I have a word for people like that but lets keep it PG. Finally a lady stops, rolls down the window and tell us to get in. She starts reversing....and as we move away, my car is engolfed. I think at that moment, I wanted to cry but the tears werent coming. Partly because we could have been killed if we had waited a moment longer to get out of that car. And also because my car was in flames and I was helpless. That car was alot to us. It was the first reliable car my parents could ever afford, it had been my mode of work transport for 7 years and now it was gone. Alot happened that day, but this post would go on for days. First there was panic, then shock and then tears. I miss my old car and the bus life sucks, but i am glad we all made it out alive.
Also, we moved! After 23 years in our town house we moved. It was crazy leaving that old place! There were so many memories in that shack. I was not as upset leaving as I thought I would be but at one point I did have a nervous breakdown about how small my room was. But that was it.
Anyways guys, that's all for today. The last 6 months have been a journey but I always remeber this, life will get crazy but sometimes the crazier the life, the better the stories. ;)
Love,
Sarah
Longtime, no write, I know but life has been utter ciaos let me tell you. I lost interest in the 'saving' and 'paying bills' aspect when my bills went under control. I am still working at it but things are consistent and working out for the better these days. Today, I am going to give you a little update on my life recently. Let me warn you, some things will shock you. Let me start....
Around April, my 70 year old father was admitted into a long term care facility due to dementia and other diseases. This was not easy for anyone. Prior to his admittence, he was getting into everything, falling down stairs, soiling clothes and his bed and such. My mother suffers from her own illnesses and disabilities and this made things extra difficult for myself and my sister. When he was admitted, I think we all went through a little guilt over the fact that people accused us of "shoving him in a home". Some people (including family members) thought it was a way of reliving ourselves of the responsibility. It's easy to feel like maybe deep down inside that is the reason. After talking to eachother and praying alot, we came to a conclusion. No one knows the circumstances of our life. Some family member even turn their back on the fact and pretend that we are the ones with the wrong ideas. Trying to explain our feelings to people is like trying to decribe the color green. Unless you see for yourself, nothing will make sense.
Now, prepare yourself for the story of the summer. Many of my friends already know about this story but here it is for those of you who may not know. The beginning of July, my sister, mom and myself decided to head to the beach. The beach we go to is about an hour from where we live. Now my car was never in the greatest shape but we never though things would go this bad. As I drove up the highway about 30 minutes from house, I see that my battery light is flickering. I make the executive decision that I am going to pull to the side for fear that my car will break down in the middle of the highway. So, s I check my rearview mirror to get over, I see billowing smoke coming from the back end of my car. as I put the car in park and turn of the engine, smoke beins to seep through my air vents. That was clear sign that we needed to get out. We all got out and as we walk away from the car, I notice flames sitting at the base of my car. For some reason my first reaction was the pop the hood and just as I was abut the run for it, my mom grabs my arm and says we need to run the other way. I listened and I am glad we did because at that moment the car consumed with flames. My heart sank! I had left my cell in the car and starting panicing because someone clearly needed to call the fire department. I started frantically waving people down and no one would stop! I mean no one! People are real jerks sometime. Like they see three frantic women and a car on fire and they wont stop. I have a word for people like that but lets keep it PG. Finally a lady stops, rolls down the window and tell us to get in. She starts reversing....and as we move away, my car is engolfed. I think at that moment, I wanted to cry but the tears werent coming. Partly because we could have been killed if we had waited a moment longer to get out of that car. And also because my car was in flames and I was helpless. That car was alot to us. It was the first reliable car my parents could ever afford, it had been my mode of work transport for 7 years and now it was gone. Alot happened that day, but this post would go on for days. First there was panic, then shock and then tears. I miss my old car and the bus life sucks, but i am glad we all made it out alive.
Also, we moved! After 23 years in our town house we moved. It was crazy leaving that old place! There were so many memories in that shack. I was not as upset leaving as I thought I would be but at one point I did have a nervous breakdown about how small my room was. But that was it.
Anyways guys, that's all for today. The last 6 months have been a journey but I always remeber this, life will get crazy but sometimes the crazier the life, the better the stories. ;)
Love,
Sarah
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